Enough?

I know I can be demanding. My energy levels are higher than most. My sex drive, the same. I want it daily, and preferably, a couple of times a day. In my past, there have been men who’ve been able to handle, and there have been men who haven’t. Inevitably, when I am with one of the latter, I tire of it. Sooner or later I call it quits.
I am now beginning to wonder if that’s where my current relationship is going.

Sexually, as well as out of bed, we’re different personalities. We always have been. He’s introvert, I’m extrovert. I enjoy variation. I thrive on that stream of ever new experiences. Sometimes this, sometimes that, sometimes for a long time, sometimes for a short time. Sometimes here, sometimes there.
To him, sex is best done more or less the same way every time. Every session is like a three-course meal. Or more. It’s a marathon. It’s a triathlon. There are sequences to it always repeated. It starts with cuddling and grinding, kissing and fondling. Perhaps some fingering, perhaps some licking. Then intercourse, for as long as I am able to take it. (A couple of hours, mostly.) Missionary, missionary with my legs up and around his neck, doggy, sideways, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, rotating cowgirl, both of us standing, then him standing next to the bed as I lie down on it straddling him, then him kneeling on the bed as I straddle him. Then, more often than not, back to doggy or to one of the missionary style positions, one of those we can do for ever. We go through some eight-ten standard positions every time. When I’ve come too many times to be able to continue, I blow him and I work him with my hands and tits until he gets off. If he gets off. Sometimes, he enters me again when he feels he is close. Sometimes, he wears himself out before he gets there. Too sore or too exhausted to keep it up.

You can say I do get my variation. Because every time we do it, we go through more positions than I'd get in a week or a month with another man. But it still feels as if we do the same thing over and over. A quickie is out of the question. We can’t do it in the morning unless we’ve both got the day off. We can’t do it in the lunch break, we can’t do it in between plans, like, before the guests arrive for dinner or when we’re expected somewhere. He needs his time, and he doesn’t think there’s no point to starting it if we do not have a couple of hours for it. Surprise sex? That’s rare. And so I do not get it on a daily basis. Sure, I can take care of my own pleasures, and of course, I do. But I do not cheat, and I will not cheat. I’ve promised him that, and I won’t break my promises. As long as we’re together, he’s the only man I am with. And of course, whenever I am with him, he pleasures me one hell of a lot. His cock is wonderful. He’s in good shape, and he’s always willing to let me take the lead and to add some new to his repertoire. But still. I am beginning to wonder if it is enough. Whether I need some more. Whether he’s worth this kind of patience.

I know why it is like this. I don’t want to share the details, I think it would be unfair without his knowledge. Suffice to say there are control issues due to experiences of his past. Troubles letting go of control. I understand it, and I think I accept it. It took me some time, but I know that there’s no failure on my part, when he isn’t getting there, and it doesn’t frustrate me like it used to.

To begin with, I felt as if it was my fault, every time he didn’t come. I felt as if I couldn’t live up to my own expectations of myself as a lover, using all my tricks, twists and turns, those never failing to work before. Now I know that this has nothing to do with it. It’s not about abilities. It’s not about techniques, it’s about the mental state he’s in and the experiences he’s had before me. I also know that he finds sex with me more fulfilling than it's ever been before. He says, and from the way he acts, I know it's the truth. Though he can from time to time be frustrated about himself and about the lack of fulfillment, I also know he enjoys it even if he’s not able to finish. And when he is, oh, when he is, he's so happy about it, it makes me happy too.

Question is whether he gives me enough. I don't yet know.

Let’s (not) get married

NYTimes is doing another cockadoo story on men, women, dating, this time, even marriage. The conclusion is that more men marry educated women than in 1970 (that is, I can tell you, because more of us ARE educated today than women were in 1970, but that, of course, isn’t news).
But, according to the Times, this "trend" isn’t valid in New York, because it’s still very very hard for a very very smart woman in NYC to find a husband. Duh. Let me repeat that for my more stupid readers: Duh. Duh. Duh.

Let it lie that the article author isn’t educated enough to read statistics correctly. (Duh.)
Or that other statistics would tell them that there are in fact more women than men in NYC. (Duh.)
Or that the women interviewed are really poor examples of successful New York women. (Duh. Duh.) One of them is out of work, one is a German stylist, and one finds it genial to use the question "do you have a passport and a library card?" as some kind of litmus test to men she meets in bars. (Duuuuuuuh. And a well-meant note to everyone even considering for a second trying this: Not only do most people have this, not only will most people find it insulting that the other person presumes they don’t, but plenty of people would probably also take the passport question to mean that they’re sent packing. Alone. For a solo trip. To a galaxy far far away. Never to return.)
The interviewees seem to be chosen for one reason alone: They all seem to think of themselves as brilliant, and they all accept this for a reason why they can’t find a man. (I’m out of duhs.)

If anyone is interested: The real reason why it’s hard to find someone to marry in NYC, for men and women alike is this: There are so many other options out there, it’s hard to settle for just one. Plenty of us don’t even feel like trying.

Links are here, for the original article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/19/us/19marriage.html?em

And for the deserved ridicule committed by NYMag (“Ladies, it’s not that you’re too smart, it’s that you’re too freaking crazy”):

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/01/less_men_are_marrying_wealthie.html